I was at my grandmother’s house today when the phone rang and I picked it up. A man with a thick accent informed me that I, [insert horrible mispronunciation of my grandmother’s name here] had won the Publisher’s Clearinghouse Sweepstakes worth 2 million in cash and even a new BMW. I thought it would be fun to record my fucking with the scam artist until I figured out what they were after. After that, shit got real.

This is an edited version of two calls I had with this crook. During the call, he mentioned that he had paperwork on my grandmother’s home he wanted her to sign and he said that she would have to pay 50,000 in taxes before she would be able to collect her prize. The taped conversation in full is over an hour and a half long. The guy spent a lot of time trying to groom me (again, he thought I was my grandmother) into giving him access to bank accounts, pressuring me to sign some set of papers regarding my grandmother’s home to “protect” her from the IRS taking her house after winning the Sweepstakes.

What you here is me having fun just knowing that I’m wasting his time. Then you hear me working to get identifying information about his scam. He then gave me the name and address of his accomplice, which I will publish here. I’m publishing it here because my grandmother’s local cops refused to even take a report. They instead told me to call the FBI, who also wasn’t interested. The FBI gave me the number to the Federal Trade Commission where I guess they thought that reporting what was certainly as spoofed number would help. Anyway, when I called the FTC number the FBI gave me, the office was closed. So, I reported the accomplice to the sheriff local to the scam artist’s accomplice who did at least take a report.

It pisses me off beyond belief that there are people out there who’d be happy to scam my grandmother out of her money and even (apparently) her home. It’s even more frustrating that law enforcement seems to not really give a shit. I mean, I live in a country where people like me are being monstered on national news every minute of every day, but when have I ever heard of an investigative news sting into BS like this? Legislators are working hard to stop people like me from being able to simply function in society, but what laws are they passing to help elder folk like my grandmother who are obviously targeted specifically because of their age?

So, here’s the edited version of the scam call:

Here’s the information on this guy’s accomplice:

Deborah Beitler
407 North Locust
Whitewater, KS 67154