The Buddha asked Malunkyaputta to imagine a man who had been wounded by a poisoned arrow. The Buddha told him to them imagine that the wounded man’s friends and relatives sent for a surgeon but when the surgeon arrives, the wounded man says: ‘I will not let the surgeon pull out this arrow until I know whether the man who wounded me was a noble or a brahmin (priest), or a merchant or a worker…tall, short, or middle height…brown or golden-skinned…whether he lives in such a village or town or city…whether the bow that wounded me was a long bow or a cross bow…’ and so on.
The Buddha then explained that before all the wounded man’s questions would have been answered he would have died. The Buddha’s point is that getting caught up in what isn’t really important instead of putting energy into what is important is… basically useless.
Today I am struggling with understanding the desire to complain about something without having a corresponding desire to address the issue. The above Buddhist story has always stuck with me and I found myself thinking about it today. I was recently talking to someone who expressed some frustration with me because they felt as though I wasn’t listening to them because after they expressed frustration with an issue they frequently have, I began to turn the conversation towards solutions to the source of the frustration.
When I talk about a problem, I want someone to listen attentively to my problem, have what I said restated by the person I’m listening to so that I feel understood and then I want to work on solutions because I feel the other has a good understanding of my problem. It seems that to do otherwise would be an attempt on my part to keep my frustration… or worse, increase my frustration.
My part in all of this is that I tend to want to save people. Saving people isn’t my job (ok, to a degree, it is… but you know what I mean). My job is to resolve my own dramas; to find and maintain balance in the face of a world filled with drama – without hubris. The way that I work with problems is not the way others work with problems and I think I just need to learn to be okay with that fact. My own confusion of frustration is tied to my want to change someone who doesn’t want to change LOL!
