I went from boardroom meetings, to seeing a dying friend in a hospice, to programming and website design.

I have had a rocky connection with Brenda Thomas. She has always called herself “… the BITCH with a capital B.” She would introduce herself like that on microphone at conferences. And she was too. She had a big bark and would get pissed off really easily. We butted heads a few times and she has even hung up on me after screaming at me on the phone once. LOL – She was mad because I wouldn’t do what she wanted me to do… She has infuriated me more times that I could ever begin to recall. In fact I was hugely pissed off at her not even more than a few weeks ago!

However, I can’t even begin to count the number of times we did TG 101 trainings together. I can’t tell you how many times we would commiserate over creating more TG social services in our area. She always referred to me as “kiddo.” We have shared a lot of laughs and she was always willing to bolster up my enthusiasm for service to the TG community.

I saw her today at the Hospice. She is dying. Any tenuous feelings I had about her are gone. Brenda is dying. She is fading away… and in her lucid moments… she knows it too. Watching her grieve he own impending death is hard to see. I have cried a lot today.

I have lost so many friends to fucking HIV. I know so many trans folks with HIV.

I want to scream GOD-DAMN-IT!

I will never forget seeing her today… tears running down her face. I gave her a hug and she began to openly weep… “I’m not gettin’ outta here kiddo… ”

Taking it to the streets with the three “T”s: Tough, Tenacious, and Transgender
by Cristan Williams for OutSmart Magazine, March 2001

“… [T]here are two ways to meet life; you may refuse to care until indifference becomes habit, a defensive armor and you are safe–but bored–or you can care greatly, and live greatly–till life breaks you on its wheel.” –Dorothy Canfield Fisher

I met Brenda a year ago and she intimi-dated me. Brenda Thomas shoots from the hip. Her entire demeanor suggests seniority. She has been there, bought the T-shirt, worn it, thrown it away, and already bought a new one.

The fact is that she has paid her dues. In September of 1996 she become extremely ill. “Jane got Mary and came straight to my house, got here about the same time my wife did, took one look at me, scooped me up in the blanket I was lying on, and carried me to Park Plaza Hospital…. Had I not got there that night I probably would have died during the night. I owe my life to those three people.” She was diagnosed with full-blown AIDS.

Since that time she has been heavily involved with HIV/AIDS organizations. Currently she is co-chair-elect for the Houston HIV Prevention and Planning Group, active with the AIDS Walk, works with the Houston Consortium, which distributes funds for the Ryan White Foundation, and is employed by the Houston Health Department’s HIV/AIDS outreach program in which she specializes in targeted outreach to the transgender community.

Brenda knows what it is to face discrimination. Brenda lost her family when her first wife found out that her husband was transgendered. “After she found out, she packed up my kids and moved to Florida. I have not heard from them since.” Speaking at an educational seminar recently, she said, “When I go somewhere, they know what I am. I have to just deal with it.” If she comes across as tough or gruff, it is because she has had to be.

Through all of it, she has survived, grown, and, perhaps most importantly, given back to the community. Currently married and, she has celebrated her 25th wedding anniversary. Brenda has been known to say that she has the best job in the world: “I have a chance to work in a position for an entity that allows me to work diligently, furthering the two things that are most dear to my heart, transgender issues and HIV, especially together.”

Brenda Thomas is a dedicated leader within the transgender community. She created and has facilitated Helping Trans-Genders Anonymous, which celebrated its 10th anniversary in February. “God, I love this community. There are so many great people here–and there is the possibility that there are also some great people out there who are not aware of the possibilities that exist within this community. If we can reach them and bring them into our community we can get stronger. I hate it when I see a young person working the streets to stay alive. I want to make a difference for those that come behind us, I want it to be easier for them. I just want to be remembered as someone who cared … someone who made a difference.”